Father,
Pierce my skull, so that your wisdom may reside in me.
Pierce my heart, so that it may beat with yours as my blood is consumed in your fire.
Pierce my hands, so that when I serve you I remember what you had done for me.

I will write new psalms in your favor,
a new song for my life.
Lord, You deserve it all, may our offerings be pleasing,
may our dances and voices be seen and heard in heaven.
Surely the days of fasting and celebration will be a banquet of Your blessings.
Father meet us there.

The Right to the Pursuit of Happiness

Sickening. Studying for so long on the Declaration of Independence and the American Revolution has got me thinking about my rights of pursuing happiness.

I think about these days if i've grown too old to pursue the smaller joys in life. Will i be always working towards the bigger goals? The bigger homes? The bigger promotions? Would I ever settle for the time spent driving along the coast, ditching classes to play at the beach? Or am I now entering the portion of my life when that is no longer acceptable, not because someone told me so... but because my pursuits of happiness is about accomplishing things, getting the grade, hitting the mark. Where now ditching a class will be a day's worth of missed information, a missing step on the ladder of success.

I have forgotten the feeling of carelessness because now every move i make seems to affect the very near future. I am told not to worry but it's hard when your life and the quality of it, is on the line. Where will i find help? I do not know. Everyone is busy climbing their ladders.

Of course, I haven't asked anyone for help. I still feel like they don't need to because it isn't their problem to deal with it. I still feel like there's no reason for them to share the pains and the trials, because they are my own... no. It's because of my bitter pride.

It's hard to find the good in all circumstances when all the good that you do seems to be leading you for self-destruction. If God can hear me... when will this end? Why must the world seem so right... so correct, so logical.

My mother told me that giving will be the death of me.

And I now know what she was talking about. I want to give and NOT think about how I will end up, but I do. All the time. If I have nothing to lose, then i can give more freely BUT being as I am... I don't want to come to the point where i have nothing.

What does it mean to count it all as loss and gain everything in Christ?

Because I need to know now. How much further do I need to be ruined for me to gain everything in You? Because, to be honest, I don't know how long I will last. What must I do to have at least one thing go right? Must you even take away my intellects and my ardent love for the aesthetics of language and the human mind?! Why must I grow cold to my former passions to pursue the further development of this relationship?! Why is it so hard to die to myself to gain an inspiration to live again?! and how come I know the answers to my problems, but i still have these problems... what must i do? I know in my mind, but I am lost in my heart.

Never in my life have i been so desperate, and yet I have not been desperate enough.

I've only just realized how much it costs to yearn for something,
I've only realized there's nothing in this world that is free.

It hurts a lot, but if i just blindly go through with it, it's not that bad.
Not bad at all.

How my faith has been tested in these past few months...
I've come to know that my faith has been the weakest of all,
but I also realized that my faith has all the potential in the world to move greater mountains.

But with so much on my shoulders, and so much of my realities against me...
I oddly feel very at peace.

I'm starting to slowly let go of my worldy desires one at a time...
and I'm beginning to express myself into words...
it's all coming together in some strange, stressful, and yet fulfilling way.

God is good.
I am not.
But we can be.

Fountain of Youth?

I usually hear people tell me that I act mature for my age...

not to brag, rather, it wasn't anything I thought was worth bragging about...

Whenever someone told me,
I always wondered what they really meant by that.
I know I look old, i get it... i'm "mature"
thank you -__-;;

Is it because I don't say anything...
when I stay quiet and watch others bicker amongst themselves.
That's not maturity, that's just being stout, or keeping myself out of trouble.

I rarely give any advice worth repeating...
For the most part, I only know partially what to say
and when to say them.

I rarely provide or share anything that I feel you may need...
You just happen to be there when I have it.

(wow i sound like a horrible person.)

for awhile, I didn't really want to hear that anymore.
But it's something I should thank them for.
I would rather find myself to be more mature than to be anything that is considered less.

But prices were paid.

I guess the more I'm made "mature",
I made just that many mistakes to get here.

I wish I could tell that one person...

maybe being naiive isn't too bad...
순수한게 나은지도 몰라

눈물이 뚝뚝||K.Will

None is Mighter than Thy Pen

I miss writing for the sake of writing.
I miss writing for my own head to hear, to know that I am not living a brainless, thoughtless life... without words to paint my ever off white walls.

I miss designing without worrying about what others may think.
I miss designing for my own pleasures, for my own satisfactions... on my own time.
I miss developing, discovering, practicing new techniques to improve upon.

I miss... many things that i used to do for myself and just myself.
I know I live a life that is not dedicated to self...
but as I lay in bed, coughing up a storm, I wonder how I got myself this far...
to the point where I can't even fight back the common cold.
----
I miss reading.
I miss drawing.
I miss making words with my alphabet cereal.
I miss browsing.
I miss looking out the window.
I miss driving to far off places.
I miss daydreaming.
I miss watching cartoons.
I miss playing dumb games online.
I miss talking and having conversations.
I miss my innocence.
I miss drinking coffee on rainy days.
I miss crushing.
I miss not worrying about bills and gas.
I miss watching sunrises.
I miss making breakfast.
I miss scrapbooking.
I miss sewing and stitching.
I miss the airport and watching the planes take off.
I miss poetry.
I miss music.
I miss dancing in my room.
I miss theater.
I miss rollercoasters.
I miss stargazing up in the mountains and down in the deserts.
I miss my family trips.
I miss making cards.
I miss singing.
I miss running through sprinklers.
I miss sharing embarrassing moments.
I miss

I miss...

am I missing the point when I waste time missing all the things I am missing by just...
missing?

shadowfeet||brookefraser

love makes the world go round?

In the midst of my finals, the ends of my sophomore year, in the last few weeks of my stressful mission preparations, and other worries that consume my thoughts on a daily basis, I realized I have not taken the time to love.

Being self absorbed is tiring, even in affirmation. Yet my tiredness, my sorrow, only leads back to me. Thus, it is me being self-absorbed, and knowing that it's me and my own fault, it makes me more tired because I feel like I'm doing this alone. I'm not sure how it works, but it is an entangling entanglement.

However, that is where I fall.

As I shake my fist up to heaven and wonder out loud, why must the Lord give me these hardships to endure? What am I learning this time? And i realized today... it is not God. God isn't there when I'm going around in circles, worrying and doing one thing after another. No, because I'm forgetting to love. And without love, there is no God, because God is love.

I realized that God resides in the little acts of love, His entity is revealed when I love. When your spirit and my spirit vibe in synergy, that's God working.

So the more I love, God is all the more there; and with God there, all the more strength and energy to me! Which enables me to do greater things and finish things in victory because God is there.

But in order for me to tap into that wellspring
what I have to do right now is... pray for you.

food.art.music.
defining the realm since the beginning of time.

b r e a k m e

Rules were meant to be broken.
If rules couldn't be broken then it would no longer be a rule, but a state of law.

How much longer am I suppose to be measured by these rules
Jesus broke all the rules to become the one rule.

i wish things were easier.
but it ain't...

actually, it's really simple.
But I love complicating my life, it's drilled into my head =]
I regret not being stronger to let go of things that are measured by human standards.

SaraBareilles||InsideOut