What?

I really hate my horrible short term memory.
My freaking goodness, how i hate it so...
if i could label it as a spiritual battle, i most certainly would.

It's amazing how I can forget the most crucial things at the most crucial times, every single day.
Where have I put the rest of my brain, can somebody please tell me?
I don't enjoy being this way...
and i certainly don't want to identify myself as the one with the mind of a goldfish.

It has put a major block on this hazardous construction site of a life...
I can only imagine a day when I have everything figured out, everything in its place, everything ready to go on time...

yes.
the perfect day, an illusive dream.

If were to be a bit more on track, I would be:
- smarter
- more efficient
- less stressed
- richer, have more money
- richer, not needlessly lose money
- happier?
- less tired
- less frustrated
- fruitful and abundant
- richer, wealthier in every way, especially financially...
- be less disappointing

i can be me, but 3 times more efficient and better in general.

i wrote this post because I forgot the main reason i even opened this post up.
damn my broken neurological senses.

i need a yogurt.

u n g r a t e f u l .

I realized just how lucky i really am.

Even though I should've seen this from a mile away, I wouldn't be very "human" if I did.
Everything that I've ever needed has been given to me.
I messed up a lot, and I continue to mess up all the time.
I say the wrong things at the wrong time.
I don't say anything at all in others...
I ask for help. I ask for guidance...
and it's all been given to me.
But many times, i don't take the help.
Even I surprise myself because I lack so much, I really am as dim as one gets.

I'm humbled and amazed at how many times I have been given that second, third, gazillionth chance.

There's always a way to fix it.
There's always another path to take.
He's always been right there, even when I'm not.

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rainyheart||themusium

Being Still.

It's so hard to discern God's voice in the midst of all this chaos, the hustle and bustle.

Recently,
I really found that heart of witnessing again.
For the past few times i went witnessing, I met people who go to church, used to go to church, and were hurt by their experiences there. Maybe God has called me to straighten things out, to heal them and let them know that even though THOSE people never loved them, He does.

There are so many misconceptions about God, even within the christian community. I don't even know how or when it began to get so bad. I think it's because we stopped listening.

As a whole generation, we stopped listening.
And God is a god of justice, the following generations will feel his punishment.
That I didn't really understand till today...

Nobody is born with a certain mind set, it's shaped by their parents.
So it would take a couple generations before God can really instill his presence on a family that turned away from Him.

I can only pray that I'm living a life worthy of His calling.
That i'm listening to Him.
I hope all my enlightenments, those dreams and visions...
if You're speaking to me, may it be plain to me and may I trust it with all the faith I have to offer...
numbers 21