Never in my life have i been so desperate, and yet I have not been desperate enough.

I've only just realized how much it costs to yearn for something,
I've only realized there's nothing in this world that is free.

It hurts a lot, but if i just blindly go through with it, it's not that bad.
Not bad at all.

How my faith has been tested in these past few months...
I've come to know that my faith has been the weakest of all,
but I also realized that my faith has all the potential in the world to move greater mountains.

But with so much on my shoulders, and so much of my realities against me...
I oddly feel very at peace.

I'm starting to slowly let go of my worldy desires one at a time...
and I'm beginning to express myself into words...
it's all coming together in some strange, stressful, and yet fulfilling way.

God is good.
I am not.
But we can be.

Fountain of Youth?

I usually hear people tell me that I act mature for my age...

not to brag, rather, it wasn't anything I thought was worth bragging about...

Whenever someone told me,
I always wondered what they really meant by that.
I know I look old, i get it... i'm "mature"
thank you -__-;;

Is it because I don't say anything...
when I stay quiet and watch others bicker amongst themselves.
That's not maturity, that's just being stout, or keeping myself out of trouble.

I rarely give any advice worth repeating...
For the most part, I only know partially what to say
and when to say them.

I rarely provide or share anything that I feel you may need...
You just happen to be there when I have it.

(wow i sound like a horrible person.)

for awhile, I didn't really want to hear that anymore.
But it's something I should thank them for.
I would rather find myself to be more mature than to be anything that is considered less.

But prices were paid.

I guess the more I'm made "mature",
I made just that many mistakes to get here.

I wish I could tell that one person...

maybe being naiive isn't too bad...
순수한게 나은지도 몰라

눈물이 뚝뚝||K.Will

None is Mighter than Thy Pen

I miss writing for the sake of writing.
I miss writing for my own head to hear, to know that I am not living a brainless, thoughtless life... without words to paint my ever off white walls.

I miss designing without worrying about what others may think.
I miss designing for my own pleasures, for my own satisfactions... on my own time.
I miss developing, discovering, practicing new techniques to improve upon.

I miss... many things that i used to do for myself and just myself.
I know I live a life that is not dedicated to self...
but as I lay in bed, coughing up a storm, I wonder how I got myself this far...
to the point where I can't even fight back the common cold.
----
I miss reading.
I miss drawing.
I miss making words with my alphabet cereal.
I miss browsing.
I miss looking out the window.
I miss driving to far off places.
I miss daydreaming.
I miss watching cartoons.
I miss playing dumb games online.
I miss talking and having conversations.
I miss my innocence.
I miss drinking coffee on rainy days.
I miss crushing.
I miss not worrying about bills and gas.
I miss watching sunrises.
I miss making breakfast.
I miss scrapbooking.
I miss sewing and stitching.
I miss the airport and watching the planes take off.
I miss poetry.
I miss music.
I miss dancing in my room.
I miss theater.
I miss rollercoasters.
I miss stargazing up in the mountains and down in the deserts.
I miss my family trips.
I miss making cards.
I miss singing.
I miss running through sprinklers.
I miss sharing embarrassing moments.
I miss

I miss...

am I missing the point when I waste time missing all the things I am missing by just...
missing?

shadowfeet||brookefraser