HUUULK MAAAADDDD

I've noticed that in the past, i've written very... how do i say... bitingly? As if I had a grudge against the world, very sarcastic, very cynical, and i used a lot of metaphors.

I think anger does fuel something that only anger can fuel. I'm not angry or anything, i'm just saying it does. Whatever THAT is. I think when your angry, it unleashes this part of your brain that usually doesn't open. Maybe that's why some artists are so bitter, because it keeps them "artistic".

When you're angry don't you think a lot faster, so fast that it jams. THEN that little blinking light goes off telling you that you're jammed. Then you get even MORE angry because of the fact that you are incabable of making any solutions because your mind is jammed, thus jamming your mind with more frustration

And by the time your able to undo and redo and undo your brain again, you are so exhausted that you just can't think any longer.

wow. Being angry bites.

But in some situations, being angry gives me sort of a "boost", actually more of a motivation. But there's a specific type of anger that fuels me to do better. I don't know which one it is, but it is.

Sometimes i just don't, or can't, do anything while i'm angry. I become irrational, and my mouth runs on its own, if you know what i mean. I literally start to fume from the head, and it really does feel like steam coming out from the ears. My brain, my abs, my whole digestive system starts to twist on the inside. My blood starts pumping. My feet start to curl. I'm not able to sit still, like a kid on amphetamines. My leg or my arm becomes "tingly". And I feel like I have enough man strength to wrestle a water buffalo (or at least mentally). Sometimes I really do think i can turn into the Hulk, or something equivalent to it. My voice and language definitely undergoes some kind of mutation.

So the solution... i can't live without being angry, what kind of human is that? But i guess i must try, and i think so far, i've been pretty good about keeping things under control, in the icepack, back in storage, up and over pressure. Sometimes i have my moments, but I've been less angry than i've ever been before.

and the difference that made it possible is that i tell my anger to people, i don't care if they're listening or not because they probably aren't, but STILL, at least i'm able to get stuff off my chest which keeps me healthy and stress-free for a little while longer. And those are the times when i go to sleep.

There are two reasons why I take a nap:

1) When all is right in the world and i know that i can finally take a break from it all
2) When all is in absolute disaster and i feel there is no immediate relief at the moment, so i have to lay down before i pop a blood vessel and lose my ability to see.

the only two times when i go take a nap.