I have lived for almost two decades

It's strange how i feel... the same? But I've been feeling like i should've been twenty for awhile.
I kind of wish to be 20 forever (along with 95% of the world population, i leave the 5 for percent errors)

I really like the feeling of or the state of mind that I believe that I'm invincible. Disease, accidents, and all the other stuff isn't really part of my life equation. I love it. Death has no hold on me... yet. I do think about sometimes, for some reason I really do think I'll go in a car accident. Shh. Kind of like James Dean, maybe while I'm young and reckless. Haha, i should be careful of what I say, or at least that's what my mom tells me.

So i've already broken two out of two new year's resolution that I made. -__-; But I shouldn't give up now. I have this problem when my plans are ruined, i just scrap the whole thing.

hmm... i have a lot of problems now that I think about it.

What's been really holding me together so far are these two songs...
Brooke Fraser - Faithful
Mae - Last Call

I really like the line "an opera at a disco, when all you wanted was a rock show"
I find that really close to home...

Another thing just hit me upside the head
right now is the youngest I'll ever be

I wonder what I'm doing with my life, the first few weeks of my winter break has been absolutely hectic. I seriously felt like I was running on a treadmill not knowing where the slow down button is and just continually going with the flow, because if not, I'll fall face down eating the lovely rubber treads. lovely. rubber. treads.

I may be the youngest I'll ever be right now, but I'm also the most broke i've ever been! wow. I really can't even say anything about it... I'm so broke. Yet i still spend money, because I seriously cannot NOT spend money. What's wrong with me? It's seriously easier said than done. How could i NOT spend money? I guess I can live like a hermit for a couple weeks... but what of my winter break? This is the ONLY time i won't have any projects. ONLY TIME. I need this (or so i tell myself). But i think i've been doing pretty well lately, living on twenty bucks a day... it's an improvement.

God has not failed me nor broken his promise, I am physically out of resources BUT somehow there has always been a way for me to get things done. I guess this is a lesson I am currently learning... a real humbling experience to tell you the truth and this is forcing me to sort of stop and get some real business done instead of my head floating around in the clouds.

time for me to make as many mistakes as possible.